Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
