Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
