I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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