My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
