made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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