Dual....:-)
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize