nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
