just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that's an acceptable place to lick
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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