whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
