The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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