Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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