should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
