I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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