how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Randomize
