just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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