I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
