he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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