Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize