I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
