They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
