first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
