And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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