"it" just moved
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
