he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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