He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
