he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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