At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
