my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
