I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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