i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
