Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
