what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
