I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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