I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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