Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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