we have pet lesbian snakes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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