omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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