State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize