what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
