Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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