the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
