She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
