phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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