"it" just moved
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
