I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
