I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
