The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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