Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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