Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
