So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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