i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
