Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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