how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
