I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
