I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize