I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
