Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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