She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
