I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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