Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
