Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
