i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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