even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
