through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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