It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize