He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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