HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
