My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
