Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
