sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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