So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
