Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
