i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
