could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
