I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
