so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
