i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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