next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
