Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize