I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
