He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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