Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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