it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
