Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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