i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I will die if light touches me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
