the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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