so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
