Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize