Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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