he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize