I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
