i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
